thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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