Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
