I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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