i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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