you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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