Only a mothe r could love this liver
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
