I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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