I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
