my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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