I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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