He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
