I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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