Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
