Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's get the cat blown out
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
