Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
