So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
