So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
