If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
