he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
