i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
