i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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