I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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