It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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