People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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