I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
