I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
should my penis look like a turkey
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
