Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
