girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is classic penis vs brain.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
