my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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