Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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