Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
