Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
