Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
