Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
