I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There r osticjed everywhere
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
