Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As shirtless as possible
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
