So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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