Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
