LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
