I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
