I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
