I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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