doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
