His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
