I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
