So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need to align my fucking chakras
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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