why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
