So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
