I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
