she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
